Dreamy jobs?

In past years, when asked to describe my “dream-something” (dream house, dream car, dream friend, etc), I studiously avoided the letter of the assignment. For example with the “dream house” assignment. I was supposed to write an essay (in German), describing the house I could have, reality not being an object. I kind of cheated, because I didn't write about a house I wanted, but instead about a house that I had actually dreamed about. I'm not sure if the instructor was amused (but let's find out, shall we?), though I did receive an A. So this semester I have to complete a “Dream Job”-related assignment for a journalism class. My dream job is to get paid for breathing, thanks, but I figure that won't really fly. So I'm stuck talking about my “Dream Job” in the vein of my potential and impending career, which I hope to hell fits at least the tax on the bill. And even then, there's contention.

This is the story of two Dream Jobs, fighting it out in the streets of my life.

I've always wanted to teach – I knew it from the time I was six. In fact, for many years, I wanted to be a 1st grade teacher, though I later came to my senses. But high school was a viable option, so when offered the choice, I chose to major in Secondary English Education. Gonna be a high school English teacher. Yup. It all sounds well and good, but of course, things got complicated. To quote an ex, “an old friend just told me they're interested in me and I really want to see where that's going.” Enter German, aka The Other Woman ('cause yes, it's my bitch, no?).

German and I had been friends for a long time, so in order to get Humanities credits, I took German classes while still pursuing Secondary Ed. We were tight, German and I. So tight, that I abandoned the idea of teaching English, and instead strove to teach German. Unfortunately this story doesn't end too well. Very few German teaching jobs exist at all, on any level, and I am not particularly disposed to relocate. I could research, but that would probably still mean relocating. And frankly, I'm into teaching, not translation. So, back to English I went, though I kept seeing German on the side, as a sneaky little double-major liaison. I was a good girl and dutifully completed the requirements for both majors, knowing that I would have to drop German eventually and well, that's a sad thought. I covered my bases, though, by applying to both grad programs, knowing I'd have to choose just one. Okay, but then things got complicated. Again.

It's less of a street fight and now it's a bizarre love affair.

Turns out that Education doesn't pay. I don't mean that in a cruel way, it's just a very expensive date, and I'm not sure it's worth the price of dinner. Basically, German is making a better pitch, and it's very disconcerting. English Education is the sure thing and German is the fun thing. Can I make it work out? Can I ... craft...a solution that works from all this, while retaining whatever-it-is that I call sanity these days?


Put another way, it's like there's this damn pillow and a fairy ring just being presented to me. “Here, take it,” the pillow beckons, “a fun new dream right here for the taking.”

So. What would you do? Would you go for the solid, the known, or would you take the fairy ring?

Things I Think About at Night

I've known five people to die and two people to suffer major injuries, all unrelated incidents, in the past two weeks. It's times like that which make you sit back and reflect on life, and what it all means. I asked my sister, who professes some version of faith, to ask God to stop. No, to demand him to stop. She just smiled and said we needed to have a long talk.

I'm pretty good about avoiding funerals. I'll go to a visitation, but a funeral really tears me up. The funeral I attended this past weekend was no exception. The deceased was the daughter of my father-in-law's best friend. That effectively made her “some sort of cousin” for my husband, and he knew her far better than I. She and I were nearly the same age, and we shared a first name; the similarities ended there. As I sat in the church this weekend, listening to the tears and what I endearingly term as “country-gospel-rites-for-the-dead,” I cried as well. Not necessarily for her – I don't want to sound cruel, but I don't cry for the dead, I cry for those who are in pain and grieving. And I was thinking, the entire time, “I don't know her but I grieve for her parents' loss.” The empathy thing is sometimes much too hard to bear.

I'm not sure if it matters that I haven't walked into a church since 1996 and that was for a wedding. The service for the funeral was nice. Thankfully not offensively religious, but it did hold some surprises. I've never been to “that kind of funeral” before – every other one I've been to was kind of a dress-up affair. I really felt the sense of community there, in this small church, filled with screaming babies and country music.

When we drove to the cemetery, I stood aside. I didn't know the family well, and it seemed... rude, somehow, to intrude. I wandered about, looking at the varied and interesting tombstones. One of them said “get over it,” which made me giggle into the cold wind. The cemetery was filled with over 100 years of history, bodies mouldering away, marked only by a stone. I watched the father and mother say goodbye to their daughter, and I wondered what it must feel like, to bury one so soon. The mother held her head up – even at this sad time she had dignity to uphold – and I wondered how long it would take for her to break down when she finally got home that night.

How do people do it? How do you hold up to that kind of pressure? Life is so ephemeral.

Housekeeping

Before I really get started here, I'd like to ask you all to comment a little bit about the general layout of the blog.

Is the background design too annoying? Is everything easy to navigate? Are there any general issues I need to be aware of, from a design front? Even more importantly, do you like the ferret?

What about the title of the blog? I understand that it's not at all professional - and it can be changed. Any ideas for titles? I haven't quite defined my general theme - this may be more along the lines of a repository for all the things that run around in my brain.

Finally, I welcome any and all suggestions! Please let me know what you think.

Danke!