Resolutions? 2014

Things I would like to accomplish in 2014, that I have direct control over:

1) Get a handle on my debt, especially student loan and mortgage. And really, that's the only debt I have. The goal is to be caught up and on time with all bills.

2) Read 50 books, including at least 5 "I really ought to have read this, since I'm an English teacher" books. 

3) Organize the following (in order): yarn (and needles/hooks and notions), clothing, books, important papers. STAY organized.

4) Attend at least one professional conference and search out more professional development opportunities (especially free ones)

5) Start and maintain a garden this year.

 Does this sound like a do-able list, folks? Note, I didn't put "get a teaching gig" or anything like that because I'm only half of the equation there.

Whoa, it's been a year

I'm a little surprised that it's been so long - I was pretty sure I posted back in February or something, but evidently not. Today the topic is... talking. Have you ever had that friend that talks all the time, but you're pretty sure they haven't ever said anything worth anything? It's just their opinions and their experiences, which is fine, but they never ask questions and/or remain superficial? You might accuse these people of pride and self-centeredness, but I think it's something else: Loneliness and extremely awkward shyness. It's very difficult to really get to know these people. Their very attitude, while seemingly open, denies deeper thoughts and deeper questions. The fact that they don't seem to be giving much of a darn about you, not really, is like a death knell. Not to say they're not friendly. They're often horrifyingly friendly. In fact, you may even be aware that if you go from "friendly" to "friend," it's a lot weirder. Their attitude seems to be: "I put it all out for you (even stuff you may not want), and I expect the same from you!" They ask the uncomfortable questions, like why your grandmother no longer has a foot. Boundaries are nothing. Talking. It's overrated.

idea(l)s

Today, I was "talking" to a friend (you know how it is - IMs are the new letters are the new personal conversations) about how I kind of wish I could make money with what I write, but I don't really have much to say. I talk a lot, but nothing is new. Hooked on Novelty. And he said that the thing to do is "research, interview and opinionate." So I've been casting about, thinking about things I could talk about that might be A) new to more than 70% of the people I know or B) not on the "Jessica's Top-Ten list of stories" or C) well, boring. I'm not sure if I've found it.

I've long thought that I ought to write down some of the stories that I've collected over the years, even if they're just short anecdotes - part of what stops me is the apocryphal nature of tales but also that these stories are about people I know and who would presumably recognize themselves, and frankly a lot of other people would recognize them as well. I'm not out to ruin lives or embarrass people, especially those I call friends.

Another idea, which may well be related, is to talk about my experience as a non-traditional student. I know a lot of non-traditional students, but very few in my exact situation. Every time, and I mean just about every damn time, I talk to people about what it is I do and how I live, they act like I'm some kind of hero or extra special, but my sense of realism won't let me continue that myth. I'm just a person getting done what needs to get done. Anyone would do the same, if they had sufficient motivation. If the fire was hot enough or the chasm deep enough.

But then, large projects usually lose me.I have a sweater that I knitted several years ago - all I have to do is sew up one side and weave in the ends, and it'll be awesome-sauce. But for some reason, I always lose the project when I want to do it, or it's too hot to think about touching a bunch of wool. Or, well, there are any number of excuses. Same with blogging. I've had a Live Journal for years that I haven't touched in t least three years. I've had this thing for years and post every once in a great, yawning while. I don't know anymore if I'm doing it for me or for the lulz or what.

I know I need to ask myself a higher class of questions. Instead of "Can you do this" it ought to be "how many ways can you do this?" Or something like that.

Q & A 4

Last set!

1) Everybody keeps talking about diversity: Why is diversity in religion, speech, press, assembly and petition so important to a democracy?

2) How do journalists and the First Amendment ensure that people hear diverse voices in the marketplace of ideas?

3) Can you speak from personal experience about how diversity, protected by the First Amendment or championed by journalists, made a difference in your life?

Q & A 3

yay! more questions!!


1) What does the First Amendment say, exactly? Not just the denotative but also the connotative meaning...

2) Are any of those protections important in your life?

Q & A 2

More questions!!

1) What is YOUR definition of democracy?

2) What is the difference between "election politics" and "public politics"?

3) Anyone know what the Lippmann v. Dewey debate was about? What are your thoughts on that?

Q & A

So, now that you've read my previous blog (and you did read that, right?) let's open the table for some pointed questions.

1) What is YOUR definition of Journalism?

2) How many different models of journalism exist today?

I'll answer in comments, and I'd appreciate it if y'all could do the same!

Why a democracy needs journalism and the First Amendment.

A memory: when I was a kid, growing up in Texas during the Cold War, I couldn't understand the conflict between Washington and Moscow. I remember asking my babysitter to explain it to me, and she explained it this way: Imagine that the President of Russia wanted to make Texas into “Little Russia,” without ever asking the people what they wanted. She warned that if this happened, we wouldn't ever be able to speak out about it, since people in Russia weren't allowed to say anything about their government, and therefore most people didn't even know what decisions were being made for them. I understood what she was trying to say, but I don't think I fully understood how the U.S. government differed, particularly in regards to journalism. Surely people couldn't say bad stuff about the government, right?

Later on, I realized that many factors accounted for the animosity in the Cold War. I learned about the stifling of the press in Communist countries, and learned how that differed from general practice in democracies. The definition of a democracy today is little changed from Abraham Lincoln's definition in the Gettysburg Address: it is a government of the people, for the people, and by the people. This means that members of a democracy govern themselves either directly or through freely elected representatives, who are supposed to give voice to the concerns of their constituency, and work out compromises in the event of competing needs. This places an enormous burden on the populace – in order to ensure that elected officials are adequately representing everyone's concerns, the people need to be aware of all the issues being represented; also, there needs to be a way to express discontent or to advocate for change.

Because a good democracy hinges on an informed populace, both journalism and the First Amendment are important tools to the democratic process. Journalism is a method of reporting by which even very complex information is made accessible to the public, through several medium. Journalists wear many hats: they can work to improve society; they can simply report the facts; they can provide a forum to help solve community issues. In more recent times, social networking changed the face of journalism, allowing non-traditional methods of information dissemination. Though this kind of power could easily be abused, the First Amendment protects the role of journalists, by stating: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” Among the many important points listed, the right of the people to inform and be informed through the press plays a prominent role. It allows the people a way to ensure that their democratic representation is just and truly representational.

That, then is the difference that my eight-year-old mind had such trouble comprehending.

Dreamy jobs?

In past years, when asked to describe my “dream-something” (dream house, dream car, dream friend, etc), I studiously avoided the letter of the assignment. For example with the “dream house” assignment. I was supposed to write an essay (in German), describing the house I could have, reality not being an object. I kind of cheated, because I didn't write about a house I wanted, but instead about a house that I had actually dreamed about. I'm not sure if the instructor was amused (but let's find out, shall we?), though I did receive an A. So this semester I have to complete a “Dream Job”-related assignment for a journalism class. My dream job is to get paid for breathing, thanks, but I figure that won't really fly. So I'm stuck talking about my “Dream Job” in the vein of my potential and impending career, which I hope to hell fits at least the tax on the bill. And even then, there's contention.

This is the story of two Dream Jobs, fighting it out in the streets of my life.

I've always wanted to teach – I knew it from the time I was six. In fact, for many years, I wanted to be a 1st grade teacher, though I later came to my senses. But high school was a viable option, so when offered the choice, I chose to major in Secondary English Education. Gonna be a high school English teacher. Yup. It all sounds well and good, but of course, things got complicated. To quote an ex, “an old friend just told me they're interested in me and I really want to see where that's going.” Enter German, aka The Other Woman ('cause yes, it's my bitch, no?).

German and I had been friends for a long time, so in order to get Humanities credits, I took German classes while still pursuing Secondary Ed. We were tight, German and I. So tight, that I abandoned the idea of teaching English, and instead strove to teach German. Unfortunately this story doesn't end too well. Very few German teaching jobs exist at all, on any level, and I am not particularly disposed to relocate. I could research, but that would probably still mean relocating. And frankly, I'm into teaching, not translation. So, back to English I went, though I kept seeing German on the side, as a sneaky little double-major liaison. I was a good girl and dutifully completed the requirements for both majors, knowing that I would have to drop German eventually and well, that's a sad thought. I covered my bases, though, by applying to both grad programs, knowing I'd have to choose just one. Okay, but then things got complicated. Again.

It's less of a street fight and now it's a bizarre love affair.

Turns out that Education doesn't pay. I don't mean that in a cruel way, it's just a very expensive date, and I'm not sure it's worth the price of dinner. Basically, German is making a better pitch, and it's very disconcerting. English Education is the sure thing and German is the fun thing. Can I make it work out? Can I ... craft...a solution that works from all this, while retaining whatever-it-is that I call sanity these days?


Put another way, it's like there's this damn pillow and a fairy ring just being presented to me. “Here, take it,” the pillow beckons, “a fun new dream right here for the taking.”

So. What would you do? Would you go for the solid, the known, or would you take the fairy ring?

Things I Think About at Night

I've known five people to die and two people to suffer major injuries, all unrelated incidents, in the past two weeks. It's times like that which make you sit back and reflect on life, and what it all means. I asked my sister, who professes some version of faith, to ask God to stop. No, to demand him to stop. She just smiled and said we needed to have a long talk.

I'm pretty good about avoiding funerals. I'll go to a visitation, but a funeral really tears me up. The funeral I attended this past weekend was no exception. The deceased was the daughter of my father-in-law's best friend. That effectively made her “some sort of cousin” for my husband, and he knew her far better than I. She and I were nearly the same age, and we shared a first name; the similarities ended there. As I sat in the church this weekend, listening to the tears and what I endearingly term as “country-gospel-rites-for-the-dead,” I cried as well. Not necessarily for her – I don't want to sound cruel, but I don't cry for the dead, I cry for those who are in pain and grieving. And I was thinking, the entire time, “I don't know her but I grieve for her parents' loss.” The empathy thing is sometimes much too hard to bear.

I'm not sure if it matters that I haven't walked into a church since 1996 and that was for a wedding. The service for the funeral was nice. Thankfully not offensively religious, but it did hold some surprises. I've never been to “that kind of funeral” before – every other one I've been to was kind of a dress-up affair. I really felt the sense of community there, in this small church, filled with screaming babies and country music.

When we drove to the cemetery, I stood aside. I didn't know the family well, and it seemed... rude, somehow, to intrude. I wandered about, looking at the varied and interesting tombstones. One of them said “get over it,” which made me giggle into the cold wind. The cemetery was filled with over 100 years of history, bodies mouldering away, marked only by a stone. I watched the father and mother say goodbye to their daughter, and I wondered what it must feel like, to bury one so soon. The mother held her head up – even at this sad time she had dignity to uphold – and I wondered how long it would take for her to break down when she finally got home that night.

How do people do it? How do you hold up to that kind of pressure? Life is so ephemeral.

Housekeeping

Before I really get started here, I'd like to ask you all to comment a little bit about the general layout of the blog.

Is the background design too annoying? Is everything easy to navigate? Are there any general issues I need to be aware of, from a design front? Even more importantly, do you like the ferret?

What about the title of the blog? I understand that it's not at all professional - and it can be changed. Any ideas for titles? I haven't quite defined my general theme - this may be more along the lines of a repository for all the things that run around in my brain.

Finally, I welcome any and all suggestions! Please let me know what you think.

Danke!